7 Things

Z, that erudite and suave mofo at hipsterplease.com has tagged me with this little meme. It’s kind of him to do so, and so here goes 7 weird and wonderful facts about me

1) Due to an unsympathetic ambulance driver and hospital staff I was born in the wrong city.

In the North East of England there are 2 cities close to each other – Newcastle and Sunderland. There is a long standing rivalry between the two, showing itself in football violence and the like. In fact it is possible that the nickname for residents of Sunderland (Mackems) stems from the history of the ship building trade, once a major industry for both cities. So the story goes Sunderland lacked the facilities to finish and outfit ships, which were plentiful on the banks of the Tyne. Hence Sunderland shipworkers would complain that ‘We mack’em and they tack’em’ (We make them and they take them). Historically, and especially currently, Newcastle has been the more affluent, culturally vibrant and frankly pleasant city.

Due to a desire to purchase a particular pair of curtains at a very advanced stage of pregnancy my Mam travelled to Sunderland and was waiting in the queue in Binns Department Store y when she went into labour. An ambulance was called and, despite her entreaties, took her to Sunderland General Hospital where I was born. This travesty was responsible I think for my solid mistrust of those who like to think they know best.

2) I have a degree in Criminology, Politics & Religion

Really, I went to school and everything! Straight from school I went to Middlesex University, which is not one of the brighter stars in the academic firmament. It did however teach some extremely valuable and unintended lessons. As the only white male in some determinedly leftist classes I experienced prejudice first hand. As a member of the ruling classes (News to me! I’m a teacher’s kid from a little village in the arse end of Durham), I was personally to blame for woes such as slavery, oppression and domestic violence. Being a mouthy and aggressive little sod didn’t help either so I spent a few hours a week, 3 years tasting a little of what it was to be the oppressed minority, to be the nigger. Not fun, but probably the best lesson one could learn.

3) I am largely teetotal

I am not a good drinker. I find it hard to stop, tend to behave very badly when I do and have spent far too many mornings after apologising to friends. Therefore I very rarely drink, and when I do it tends to be alone.

4) I was once both the shortest and youngest registered doorman in the City of Westminster

Back in 1996 the licensing of doormen (bouncers) was not as common as it is now. In London the only decent scheme was run by Westminster Council and so to work in large parts of the council you needed a licence from this particular body. To get this I attended a training course where I was made to watch videos of the aftermath of fires in buildings with blocked fire exits. This is something I have a real bee in my bonnet about – I get all kinds of pissy when I see locked firedoors in open clubs and pubs. Fresh from this course I took along my certificate, passport and the like and got myself a licence as a doorman, some 5 months after my 18th birthday. Much to the amusement of the other doormen I queued with, and of the police inspector who interviewed me. In fact he seemed more concerned I’d get hurt than I’d hurt others. Which was nice

5) I went into my current job, as a management consultant, because a past boss told me I’d fail at it. 4 years on I feel I may have somewhat proved her wrong. Ha!

6) My all time favourite author is William Gibson. I started reading Neuromancer on the bus on the way to school on a very cold morning in 1990 and I was unable to stop reading. I bunked off school and sat on a frosty bench in the park and read the whole thing the same day. I actually felt nauseous when I finished it.

In ’93 I also bunked off school to go to a reading of Virtual Light given by William Gibson at Dillon’s in Newcastle. I sat at the back and monopolised the question session afterwards. I have that same first copy of Neuromancer next to me on my bookshelf now.

7) I drink a lot of Pepsi Max. A lot.

I freaking love this stuff. I am the Pepsi Max equivalent of Randall and his long walks. I have given up drugs, cigarettes, alcohol and naughty ladies [kinda...], but this vice I revel in.

Note I am talking about the European kind, not the ginseng version in the US. The difference is important.

Now I am supposed to tag 7 others. Here goes:

My delightful flatmate N, who said lots of nice things about my cooking,
Knirirr, who as well being a gentleman and a scholar, is also one of the people I would least like to have to fight. He can pugilise.
Alina, who has the most fascinating (and frankly intimidating) intellect of all my net chums.
Zombie Dave, who doesn’t have a blog but writes brilliantly on his Facebook page. Get a blog David!
HemaBoy, the mysterious iconoclast of the Western Martial Arts world
Jay, who is frankly far too fresh and cool for this kind of thing, but I do enjoy his blogging and twittering
Silas, who has shouted the most amusing abuse I have ever heard. Poetry with bile. Poetic bile I will no doubt experience for tagging him here

Tagged as: 7things, Linkage, meme